Home and Family sees a range of clients that are looking for some extra support as a result of some of the issues they're going through in their lives.
For some, the extra support of a caring ear proves a vital link in their recovery from difficult experiences
Click on the story titles below to read how counselling changed the lives of these people.
Transport industry operator Rowan says that if it hadn't been for Home and Family Society, he wouldn't be here doing so well today.
Rowan says he can't imagine where he'd be without the new directions discovered through the gradual process of interactive, supportive counselling.
"And it's not just my counsellor Miles that has helped me," Rowan says. "It's the whole place - from the moment you walk into that Mt Eden villa, you feel like you've entered a home away from home. Everyone's friendly and welcoming, especially Penny in reception."
Rowan first came to Home and Family in December 2002, after a referral from his doctor. He'd slipped into a deep depression, which he puts down to a build-up of stress over a number of years.
"Like many guys, I thought I was fire-proof and could cope with anything. However I have had a lot to deal with over the past two decades. Things came to a head late last year, when I realised I had a very negative self-image," Rowan said.
"It all started way back in my past, then things just built from there. I came from a dysfunctional family. My marriage split up in 1982, when my only daughter was three years old. I moved in with my mates, then a couple of years later I had to start looking after my Mum. She had cancer and was an alcoholic. She was ill for seven years before she passed on, which put a huge weight on my shoulders."
Soon after that, Rowan got his daughter to live with him full-time. Apart from part-time care, she'd never lived with him permanently. At the age of 10, there were problems. This led to ongoing parenting issues and challenges with our relationship.
Rowan observes: "I wasn't that great at coping with all the stresses we had together and the problems about the past. She left school at 15 and would disappear for months at a time."
Rowan says he had no back-up to help cope with these issues emotionally. The only people he felt were supportive during this period were the police.
He says he finally woke up to his situation one day late last year, when he slipped into a big depression. Rowan thought he needed to do some work on himself, perhaps in the areas of losing some weight and talking to someone about his stress. He was still having relationship problems with his daughter.
Asking himself what he was doing with his life, Rowan went to see his doctor to talk about his situation. His doctor advised him to get some counselling, referring him straight to one of Home and Family's counsellor's, Miles Briggs.
Rowan says: "I was sick of the bad feelings. I realised I'd wasted so many years and I needed help to turn things around. Through counselling, I started to look at all the good and bad points in my life. I realised that life wasn't too bad after all. I set in place a number of coping strategies, several having very positive outcomes."
Today Rowan says he's a different person to the one that first walked through those Mt Eden doors eight months ago.
"It's hard to put into words how much better things are. I have a new hope about my life and the road ahead. If I were to stop my regular counselling sessions though, as I get stronger in myself, I know I'd miss the place.
"Things have turned around so much that I've applied to work with a telephone counselling agency, as a volunteer. I can use my experiences in a positive way, to help others. I've found that every dark cloud has a silver lining.
"Another big plus is that I'm getting on heaps better with my daughter. I'm seeing her on a regular basis now, whereas before it wasn't that regular. The work I've done on myself has helped in my relationships with others too.
"Initially the guys at work used to tease me for going to counselling, saying I was a 'wuss', but now I think they'd go too if they needed to. They can see the change in me, and have heard me sing the praises of the work of Home & Family Society.
"In terms of appearance, I've changed. I've lost some weight and I have a big smile on my face now, rather than a thundercloud.
"The people at Home and Family Society have no idea what the counselling support has done for me. I really appreciate the fact that I've been able to attend on a donation basis, as I wouldn't have been able to afford the costs otherwise. Supporters of Home & Family Society, the team at the counselling agency, and particularly my counsellor Miles - they have no idea what they've done for me.
"Life is just so much more meaningful and full of smiles for me. All I can say is thank you Home and Family, and all your supporters. I'd encourage anyone that can afford to support their work to do so; or give them a call if you're going through a stressful period and need a caring, listening support system," Rowan says.
"I don't know which started first, the depression or the eating disorder, but I do know I first started being bulimic about 12 or 13 years ago," said Sarah.
Sarah is a client of the Home and Family Society. She has been seeing Charlotte Teal, her counsellor, for almost three years.
"I'd moved to Auckland from the South in July 1998 and thought that I could make the bulimia disappear by changing my location - but I had been fooling myself, it was still with me.
"I sought counselling because I was feeling distressed with how the eating disorder was dominating my life again, controlling me more. I'd gone quite a while with it sitting just here," she said, touching her shoulder.
"You see I had accepted that the bulimia was part of me. Part of my personal make-up and that I would never be rid of it. But then it started wrapping itself around me, encompassing me - this was too much."
Sarah heard about the Home and Family Society through the Eating Disorder Association which offers support groups for people living with eating disorders.
Sarah had seen other counsellors before moving to Auckland and coming to Home and Family.
"It's not just counselling that has helped - it's the relationship with the counsellor," she says.
"I find with Charlotte that I feel safe with her. She's a professional, she respects confidentiality and boundaries; she's reliable, consistent and I have total trust in her."
Trust is important for Sarah, and the people she talks highly of are all described as being trustworthy and honest - Charlotte, her GP, support networks. Sarah has been let down before.
"In all my relationships it's very important to me for people to be up-front and honest.
"I was sexually assaulted when I was ten by the caretaker at the school; but I don't see this as being the cause of my bulimia and depression. I'm not particularly affected by the physical side of what happened but I would say I was 'damaged' by the fact that the adults in my life at that time didn't protect me. I was a 10-year-old child who had no one they could trust. Instead, I felt I had placed a terrible burden on my mother by putting her through the court case."
There has been no single trigger for the bouts of depression or the years of bulimia that have been part of Sarah's adult life.
"As I've mentioned, I don't know whether the bulimia or the depression started first. But the depression I experienced at the time of my life, when I was first identified as being bulimic, was very deep and it just came on me. I had left home already when it all started but my family knew about the bulimia because I was so ill with the depression.
"When you have a deep depression it is impossible to feel better - a positive side to your life just doesn't exist.
"I saw myself sitting at the bottom of a very deep well and everything around me was dark. When I looked up I could see a circle of light above me at the top, but there was a lid coming over it - and I knew that when the lid had moved far enough across and the light became just a small crack - that I'd commit suicide.
"How did I come to that state? I don't know. There wasn't any one thing that I can look back to and say, 'that's what started it'. However, it seems tied-in with the transition between adolescence to adulthood. I had always been a very sensitive child and had been led to believe that life was meant to be like it is in fairy tales. But being an adult is not like that - it's a tough life.
"I realise now though, that focusing on bulimia meant I didn't have to focus on other things in my life. It was my way of coping.
"Being bulimic has affected my personal life but I wouldn't let it affect my work life. I had learnt to be secretive and I would put on a very big front. I couldn't let people at work know, as there is still stigma about mental health.
"Actually, at one job I did tell them. I was having anxiety attacks and was having difficulty keeping the 'façade' I'd built up in place. I knew they must have noticed that something was wrong - so I told them. It turned out they hadn't noticed a thing.
"I've taken a lot of positive steps since starting at Home and Family with Charlotte. I'm beginning to like myself and take greater control of my life, learning to nurture myself and do things because I want to do them, not because I feel it is expected of me by my family or work.
"I am coming to know me as a person and I like that person - we should probably love ourselves but that's a pretty tall order," she says laughing.
"I'm a very verbal person and I need to hear myself express how I feel and speak openly, as hearing the words helps me untangle things. Talking about difficulties has helped me identify what triggers me."
There are several triggers that can lead to a bout of bingeing for Sarah.
"Tiredness is a big one as well as not eating properly. Basically when I'm not responding to my body's physical needs I am more likely to binge. As well as personal pressures. I have difficulty dealing with people (I perceive to be) in authority.
"It's vicious. You fight the urge to binge and then ultimately do it anyway, by which time you're physically and emotionally exhausted, you're filled with self-disgust at what you've done, you're over hungry, dehydrated, and sometimes you're feeling not strong enough to stop doing it again."
But stopping the cycle or slowing it down can be helped, she says, by really simple things.
"I was having a difficult time in the late afternoons and feeling quite distressed and told Charlotte how I would get into a state and not know what to do with myself and be fearful of bingeing. It can be such a vicious cycle for me, even trying to eat properly. Sometimes I would ask myself 'do you deserve this food?' or 'are you really just being greedy?'. I would be questioning myself in my head all the time.
"So, I was telling Charlotte about how hard the late afternoons were for me. Then she said: 'It sounds to me like you're hungry'."
Sarah smiles. "Such a simple thing. Yes, it was late afternoon, and I was hungry. This simple statement helped me realise what I was feeling was natural."
If asked to draw a picture of herself three years ago (before coming to Home and Family) and compare it to one drawn today, Sarah said she would describe herself as feeling stronger. "There's more to it than that but I'm not sure how to describe it. I have a support system now, people I can talk with. I view life differently.
"I can sit with 'life' now and not be quite as re-active, which I think is also part of getting older. I can now enjoy the moment instead of wishing for what could happen instead.
"Life was a roller coaster ride. Great highs and great lows. The highs were good but I realise I would much rather have a more even keel.
"Sometimes bulimia visits me, but I am able to manage my life so much more than before. Sometimes I find that, instead of fighting the bulimia and blaming myself, if I remember to nurture myself with a good night's sleep and a nutritious breakfast, I can then move on and end the cycle quicker.
"I'm more realistic now. I have kept an ongoing journal so I can monitor the bulimia and the information that comes from my meetings with Charlotte. This has helped me see the progress I've made. If I have a difficult day or two days, I can look back over the dates and say: 'OK the past two days have been bad, but I had seven good days before that, so I know I'll have good days again'.
"Bulimia has faded away more as I've come to accept and understand who I am and how my body functions - the fighting 'who I am', can be just as destructive, for me, as the effects of bulimia.
"Society suggests that if you get into counselling, that's it, the bulimia will be 'cured'. For me, the counselling has never really been about the bulimia; it's been about getting back my life."
The name of the client interviewed for this article was changed to protect her privacy, and an agency photo was used. Home and Family Society would like to thank 'Sarah' for sharing her story.
"How would I describe my depression? Very black, emotionally paralysing and feeling in utter despair."
These words contrast sharply with the image of the strong, robust man who is sitting cheerfully and comfortably in a counselling room at the Home and Family cottage. His counsellor, Anne Smith, is sitting nearby.
Michael is describing a period of his life that he looks back on now with disbelief. He describes a person totally out of control with frustration. A person who is so desperate to leave this 'pit of despair' that the feel of a knife blade against his vein brings a tantalising glimpse of permanent relief.
"I had harmed myself two or three times before coming to Home and Family," said Michael. "I'd already played around with suicide but I no longer had a Plan B - if coming to Home and Family hadn't worked out there was no way out for me but death." After saying this he stops talking and sits quietly for a brief minute. "You know, I haven't actually been able to articulate that before."
Depression is a condition that is experienced by approximately 20% of New Zealanders at some time in their lives. Like any illness it affects each person differently and with differing levels of severity.
"I had tried counselling about three or four times before and seen doctors but there is a real mix of help out there, some good some not so good. I am very grateful that, on this occasion when I was at my lowest, the locum I spoke with referred me to Home and Family. She contacted Home and Family on my behalf. If she'd said - "chin-up and get on with it" that would have been the end for me.
"That was the worse stage I'd ever been at. Each episode was getting worse. I felt I had nothing to lose by coming to Home and Family. I thought to myself - "well, if it doesn't work out I will do what I have to do. Of course, I actually did have a choice and chose to use it, although I didn't realise that at the time."
Michael was booked in to see Anne Smith, who has been a counsellor with Home and Family since 1996.
"The difference that Anne made was being a loving listener. And doing that, by being that, she created an atmosphere for me to be able to realise myself that I had more than one option available.
"From that came the realisation that I had the power and the skills to identify the elements to impact on the depression and make changes. I knew I would able to help myself and that I could control this."
But breaking the cycle wasn't always easy.
"I was challenged," said Michael smiling, "but in a neat way, a caring way, to develop particular skills.
"I learnt to read signals, and recognise patterns in my behaviour. For a while I felt I was unable to do anything about it. I was being bashed by these feelings and felt a sense of powerlessness, and I realised it was because I didn't care about me, about myself.
"If you haven't got that love inside yourself then knowing people love you means nothing."
Techniques for getting through depression are specific for each person.
"For me, one of the things I needed to do was not personalise everything. That is one of the discoveries that Anne helped me make and we explored and tested this."
I was desperate for a tool to save me and Anne was committed to helping me."
"It was quite a deliberate partnership," added Anne. "We worked together on discovering and trying out new skills."
"Throughout this time I always had in the back of my mind about what the alternative (to counselling) had been" Michael said. "I knew I needed to get SMART about living.
"In my early depression I saw a doctor who said I would have to take pills for the rest of my life and would always have depression. So I took pills for seven years.
"For seven years I travelled down a road of severe episodes and self-harm and then came here - to Home and Family.
"Now I have awareness of what my symptoms are, and I have strategies to stop them."
An episode for Michael would start off with something someone said or did.
"It starts with a trigger which my patterned behaviour perceived as myself not being good enough and therefore worthless, which would personify itself initially with withdrawing, feeling hurt, neglected, alone and lonely. Then I'd have absolute anger and hatred for myself and at times for the person I perceived to be the blame of it.
"There's been heavy drinking, I never did the drug thing, but a bit of smashing.
"When I think about it now witnessing my anger must have been terrifying for my family. This witnessing of this violence scares everyone. Knowing what I was doing made me feel even worse - it was a downward spiralling. You hear that term mentioned a lot with depression.
"Anne has helped me find ways of avoiding the pot holes. You get a great boost of confidence when you do 'spot' them and then 'avoid' them."
Michael has had 2 or 3 episodes since finishing counselling and each time he has interrupted them. But he hasn't become complacent.
"I've had 15 years of depression and fear, so I'd say I'm only 90% over it. I'll always have that scar, it will always be there in the back of my mind.
"I don't ever feel free of that, the fear of getting depressed but I now I can confront the depression - and the fear keeps me vigilant.
"The more you monitor it, the more automatic the monitoring becomes. I'm the happiest I've been in a long time.
"I'm lucky to be alive and I've got a great life. I'm lucky my path has been such that I came to Home and Family. If I hadn't come here I wouldn't be anywhere.
"The work that's done here at Home and Family is so important. I can't emphasise it enough. It is as significant as life saving medical care - it saves lives."